Five Free Mindfulness Practices to Build Self-Compassion

"I need more coping skills to handle _________." This sentence is the one I hear most often when potential clients call my office. Almost every woman I speak with fills in that blank differently. However, the coping skills I offer to them often look the same because some skills are relevant to a variety of difficult life situations. One of the skills I often offer to clients is Mindful Self-Compassion.

This skill is a specific type of mindfulness. If you are unfamiliar with this word, then here is a definition: Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to what is happening around you and within you. It is a proven coping skill to effectively help with stress relief, improve quality of life, become less emotionally reactive, and increase relationship satisfaction. 

If you are looking for a way to get started trying out this practice, then I recommend the FREE Insight Timer app. It offers a variety of guided mindfulness meditations. Did I mention it’s free? 

One of the most popular kinds of mindfulness with researchers and clinicians is Mindful Self-Compassion. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher and author, explains that many people confuse this practice with self-pity, self-indulgence, or self-esteem. These understandings all miss the point. A better definition of Mindful Self-Compassion is: treating yourselves with kindness during moments of difficulty or suffering. I often recommend this practice to clients because it can increase life satisfaction, as well as decreased depression, anxiety and stress. 

If you are looking for a way to get started with this type of mindfulness practice, then here are a few of my favorite self-compassion meditations that can help you using the Insight Timer App….

Lisa Abramson - Five Minutes of Self-Compassion - 04:15
Kristin Neff - Self-Compassion Break - 05:20
Sharon Salzberg Lovingkindness Meditation · 15:04
Kristin Neff - Working With Emotions in the Body: Soften, Soothe, Allow - 16:01
Kristin Neff - Compassionate Body Scan - 23:55

Any mindful practice you begin to implement will feel new and different. But stay with it and see where it takes you. What I have found with my clients is mindfulness exercises are a great in giving you a new way to handle your "_________."

If you are in Nashville and need more support with handing your "_________" then contact Jessica for a free fifteen-minute phone consultation. 

5 Tips for Busy Women

You’re busy. I get it. Your calendar is full. I get it. You don't have time to add something else. I get it. I know it’s hard work to stay as busy as you do. I am not making light of your busy schedule. But I also know that we often times give busyness permission to drive our lives and we do nothing to stop it. We are so used to a crazy pace that we grow numb to how this way of life is wearing us down.

But you do not have to live this way. A more balanced way of life is possible, but it is going to take some self-reflection and hard work. It is going to take some time and space where you can review your thoughts, feelings, and actions so that you can move forward in a healthy, balanced way.

Here are 5 tips to help you move from a busy to a balanced life.

1. Reorganize your calendar based on balanced priorities.

Open your calendar. Look over the last month. What has fallen through the cracks? What meeting do you keep putting off? Who is the friend you have not seen in a while? Look ahead to the next month and write down now those people, places, and events most important to you. Schedule them in and make them a priority. Begin to create a calendar that gives priority to your health, relationships, personal growth, career, and spirituality. Your balanced life often starts with a balanced calendar.

2. Say "No" to one new opportunity.

"No" is a full sentence, but it is often a hard one to say. Maybe you don't want to hurt someone’s feelings. Maybe the pressure to say "Yes" is stronger than the act of saying "No." So next time someone asks you to add something to your plate try saying, "Let me think about it." Then give yourself some time to reflect to see if it is the right choice for you at this time. You do have to say "Yes" to anything you do not want to do. By saying “No” you will find greater balance in your day-to-day life.  

3. Learn your self-care red flags.

When we get busy we often have coping mechanisms to endure the crazy pace. There are often signs we are getting overwhelmed if we will stop to notice them. So take some time to ask: what are the behaviors or patterns that show up when you are burned out or tired? Maybe for you it is overeating or drinking more than usual. Maybe it is binge-watching Netflix for the entire weekend. Maybe it is staying up too late or avoiding work tasks. Pay attention to your red flags so that you can know when to respond to yourself with care. When you do, then you will begin to move towards balance.

4. Begin a gratitude journal in the morning or evening.

You are a busy woman. Creating time and space for self-reflection is hard to fit in. But adding a morning or nightly practice of writing in a journal can help your busy spirit. It will not take long. Just take a few moments as your day begins or ends to write where you found joy in that day or the previous one. This exercise has a way of calming down our busyness by helping us to see the blessings in our life.

5. Ask for help.

Name the people in your life that you can ask for help. Can you ask for help with one of the things that is falling through the cracks of your calendar? Can a loved one meet you for coffee or help you finish a large project at your house? Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength because it shows you know your limits. Reflect on who you want or need to help you in this busy season of life. Leaning on them for a season may be the key to helping you have a more balanced life.

If you would like to talk more about moving from busy to balanced living, then feel free to contact me for a 15-minute phone consultation to see if I might be a good fit for you.

A New Nightly Routine: Three Tools to Sleep Better

How are you sleeping at night? This is one of the first questions I ask when working with an individual. Quality of sleep is often a great revealer of the level of stress or sadness in a person’s life. Stress, fear, and sadness all impact our sleep cycles so it’s important to pay attention to this area of our lives. Your quality and length of sleep at night will impact your health and ability to navigate stressful situations during the day.

Here are three ideas about how to create a new nightly routine to help your sleep become deeper so that your stress and sadness can become smaller.

Yoga with Adrienne - Yoga for Bedtime

1. Try bedtime yoga. -  A good bedtime yoga routine can help you slow down . This change will not happen overnight, but in time this regular practice will begin to signal to your mind and body that it is time to rest. Yoga with Adrienne has a great free option if you are looking for a place to start. (Always remember to check with your doctor before making major changes to your physical routines). 

2. Create a gratitude journal. -  Before you turn off the lights write down a few things that happened during your day for which you are grateful. Taking note of both small things (like receiving a funny text from a co-worker) and larger moments (like booking your dream vacation) can help develop a sense of gratitude. Ending your day with a moment of gratitude can help you enter into more peaceful rest.

3. Schedule your worry. -  Instead of worrying right before you go to bed (because it may wake you up in the middle of the night) try before you go to bed pull out your planner or calendar app and schedule 5 to 10 minutes of worry for tomorrow. When that time arrives the next day then give yourself permission to lean into the worry, the “what ifs,” and the stress. Feel free to write out your worries during that brief period of time. When the timer goes off then make sure you move on to the next item on your schedule for the day. Saving time for worry until tomorrow will help you sleep tonight.  

These are just a few tips of how your might improve your nightly routine. If these ideas are helpful or if you would like to talk more about your stress and sadness with a counselor, then please contact Jessica to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to help you create a new routine for success.