Values Light Your Way

This year I am working through Brené Brown's Living Brave semester. One of her recommended practices is reviewing your value system. She states, “A value is a way of being or believing that you hold most important.” Brené explains that values light your way as you move through life.

She uses the image of a lantern to describe what values can be like in your life. She explains, “There are no guarantees in the arena. We will struggle. We will even fail. There will be darkness. But if we are clear about the values that guide us in our efforts to show up and be seen, we will always be able to find the light. We will know what it means to live brave.” Which values light up your life in the darkness? 

Maybe you have never wrestled with what values you want to shape your life. Or maybe you are in a new season and your life values are changing. Either way now is the time to re-evaluate what you hold most important. 

Here is a short list of values that might be good guideposts for you. Pick those that can serve as filters for your decisions this year (e.g. Does having that hard conversation with my best friend lead me to be more courageous?). Select those that give insight into the core of who you are and who you want to be. Ultimately, choose a few that will help you bring light into a dark world.

When I started my private practice I created a list of "lanterns" that I wanted to illuminate my counseling. After I picked them I wrote a sentence decribing the way I wanted that value to impact my work with women, children, and families. Here they are...

Practicing Bravery: Stepping up in moments when you feel overwhelmed or afraid, but instead you choose to respond with brave action. 

Embracing Humor: Allowing the humorous moments in life to give you joy and shift your mood towards positivity and gratitude. 

Living Authentically: Choosing intentionally to be yourself instead of falling into roles that do not align with your values and passions. 

Nurturing Self-Compassion: Creating a true friendship within by giving yourself permission to treat yourself the way you care for others. 

Cultivating True Connections: Surrounding yourself with life-giving people and practicing ways that create healthier connections with those life-taking relationships. 

Writing Your Story: Owning the hard chapters of life and moving towards writing new ones. 

If you are wrestling with your core values and need some help, then feel free to contact me. Or if you are looking for a therapist who works out of the above six values, then I am happy to do a free 15-minute consultation over the phone. 

Self-Care Saturday: A Self-Care Holiday Wish List

'Tis the season to be really busy. Holiday parties, Christmas shopping, and traveling often fill up the month of December. Personally, the month of December is one of the most stressful seasons every year. But the stress does not have to get the best of you, especially if you take some time to take care of you. Here are ten self-care presents you can give to yourself this year:

Check out the 2020 Self-Care Holiday Gift Guide with over 75 gift ideas for your long-term Self-care practice.

1. Massage - Need I say more?

2. Fitbit - I added this to my self-care practice this year. It is an external motivator to stay active.

3. Adult Coloring Book - Yes, this is a thing now. And yes, they are amazing. Coloring is a great mindfulness practice.

4. Yoga Mat - Yoga can be a restorative process to help you reconnect to your body.

5. Meal Planning/Delivery - If finding time to cook nutritious foods is one of your self-care red flags then you may want to check out Blue Apron or Plan to Eat. (Ps. None of these are advertisements. They are just ideas).

6. Writing Journal - Maybe you want to track your highs and lows for the year. Maybe use it as a gratitude journal. Maybe you need a safe place to process your thoughts.

7. Art Journal - Maybe writing is not your thing and you prefer to sketch instead. If so, then you might check out Brené Brown's go at your own pace art journaling course.

8. Bath Salts - A good soak in the tub is a great ritual to end your day.

9. Candles - Maybe this is the year to burn that luxury candle?

10. Flowers - I am a huge fan of practicing deep breathing in the presence of fresh flowers. Can you believe people will just deliver them to your house?

Did anything on the list peak your interest? Consider adding it to your wish list. Even better, think of someone in your life who might need some self-care and get that gift for them. 

One final idea. Maybe this year's holiday season is not about what you can buy. Maybe just being fully present in the company of loved ones is the best you can give and receive this season. 

If you are looking to give yourself the gift of going to counseling in Nashville, then send me an email at Jessica@JessicaMcCoyCounseling.com. Looking forward to hearing what made it onto your Christmas wish list. 

Self-Care Saturday: Time In and Time Off

Time is precious. Time is a gift. Time goes fast. Every day we choose how to spend our time. Maybe you choose to wake up early to watch the sunrise. Or maybe you are like me and choose to hit snooze until the alarm breaks. We all make choices with our time, so what choices are you making? Each week the self-care experiments offered are intended to help you make better choices with your time. Here are two more for you to consider this week. 

Take Time Off

People joke about taking a “mental health” day off from work. The level of workplace stress continues to rise for a majority of Americans. Employees report that stress is impacting them both inside and outside of the office due to issues like relationship struggles and increased workload. 

One recent internal review of a large corporation reported that employees who use more vacation days receive more positive performance reviews. This report is another reminder that self-care can strengthen your abilities at work. 

When we take time off we are creating healthy boundaries and a better work/life balance. This balancing act is not easy, though. Taking time for ourselves only seems to ignite those loud, negative voices many of us hear. “If I am not there it won’t get done right?” “What if they realize they can do it better without me?” When we never take a break from work then we can never do our best work. 

So when is your next day off? How might an extra few hours away from work improve your work? Grab a calendar and write it down (in pen!) so you will get some time off soon. Enjoy!

Schedule Time with Marble Jar Friends 

In Daring Greatly,  Brené Brown shares a story about her daughter, Ellen. In Ellen’s third grade classroom, the teacher has a marble jar. When the class makes good choices, then the teacher adds a marble to the jar. When the class makes inappropriate choices, then the teacher removes a marble. Once the “good decision” jar is full the class would celebrate (insert ice cream here). 

That same year Ellen experienced a hurtful experience with her friends. So her mom ended up trying to explain relationships to her daughter. Brené says, “I told Ellen to think about her friendship as marble jars. Whenever someone supports you, or is kind to you, or sticks up for you, or honors what you share with them as private, you put marbles in the jar.When people are mean, or disrespectful, or share your secrets, marbles come out.” She continues, “Trust is built one marble at a time.” 

Each of us can think of friends who we trust and enjoy being around. Friends who desire for you to grow towards the healthiest version of yourself are marble jar friends. Finding time for these life-giving friendships help to create a positive relational balance in your life.  When you choose to spend time with these people, then you are making a healthy self-care decision. So pick up the phone and give that marble jar friend a call (insert ice cream here)!

If you are still overwhelmed with work stress or frustrated with non-marble jar friends, feel free to call me at (615) 979-4167 for a free 15-minute phone consultation. If you are looking for more self-care ideas, then be sure to check out previous recommendations or check back next week for other ways make different choices with your time.