self care gift ideas

Self-Care Holiday Guide 2020 | Courageous Action Collective

A few years ago, I created my first Self-Care Holiday Gift Guide, but this year I wanted to create a gift guide that would help you strengthen your Self-Care skills. In my free annual Self-Care Planner, I share eight key long-term Self-Care Skills: Relational, Spiritual, Professional, Emotional, Environmental, Physical, Psychological, and Personal. Each of these Self-Care Skills will help you take courageous action in 2022.

Each of these gift guides are meant to inspire you in creating your own holiday wish list and helping you buy a gift for the sister-in-law that has everything. One of the goals of this gift guide is to help you find tangible items that will remove barriers to self-care. There is nothing magical about any of these specific products, but if you set your intentions for these tangible items to be used as self-care, they can become tools for self-care. Also, you may see things you already own, please use those items too. I hope this holiday gift guide helps you to see self-care differently and more accessible. Also, none of these are affiliate links and they are just to spark your imagination. If this is helpful, pin any of these images to Pinterest to keep for shopping later. Happy Holidays!

Relational Self-Care Gifts

The goal of Relational Self-Care Skills is to have strong and life-giving relationships with people that you can connect with and can fully show up as yourself. 
The specific practices are: I ask for help. I spend time with life-giving people. I say “No” when I need to say “No.” I have hard conversations. I do not people please.

Relational Self-Care Holiday gift guide

Table Topics Conversation Cards: Connect with family and friends through fun conversation. If your year has been like my year, I am ready for conversations other than about the pandemic, economy, or politics. This is a great gift to have more intentional, but enjoyable conversations. Some of my favorite holiday memories with my family include these cards.

The Mind Card Game: Playing cards or board games can be another fun way to share experiences with loved ones. Drop your favorite board game to play in the comments below.

Cheese Boards: This can be a great gift if you are wanting to host more. Ps. Trader Joes has great affordable cheeses.

Hot Dog & Marshmallow Roasters: Are you planning on spending more time around a fire pit this winter with life-giving people? Add a s’mores making kit to your themed gift.

Portable Heater: Another great option for spending time with friends outside this winter. This portable heater gets bonus points because you can use it for camping, which can be a spiritual self-care practice.

Physical Self-Care Gifts:

The goals of Physical Self-Care Skills are to connect with your body and take care of your body in long-term ways. 
The specific practices are: I get enough sleep. I schedule and go to annual doctor’s appointments. I eat meals and snack when I am hungry. I move my body multiple times a week. I listen to my body.

Physical Self-Care Holiday Gift Guide 2020 | Nashville TN

Zella High Waist Leggings: Who doesn’t want another pair of high-waisted leggings? These are great due to their rating of 4.5 with 7,000+ reviews and sizing of 00-24. Wearing clothes that actually fit your body is an important piece of self-care.

Peloton App Subscription: Recently, many of us have tried to find new ways to move our bodies at home. You do not have to have their bike or treadmill to use this app. The Peloton App offers a 30-day free trial and has a rating of 4.9 with 364.3K reviews. The app gets self-care bonus points because they have a collection of meditation classes. If you are looking for a free workout option: check out Yoga with Adrienne.

Cook Once Eat All Week: I bought this cookbook last April and immediately told all my friends about it. The cookbook’s premise is batch cook three separate meals at once using one type of meat, one main vegetable, and one starch. Cassie Joy includes a grocery list for that week and modifications if you have dietary restrictions. If you hate to meal plan, but want to meal plan this may be a good first step. Our favorite week of recipes is number six: ground chicken, bell peppers, and rice, which becomes Curried Chicken Lettuce Cups, Firecracker Meatballs, Chicken Burrito Bowls. Recently, she recently released Cook Once Dinner Fix, which helps you use leftovers to create another meal.

Swell Water Bottle: Most of us need to drink more water. Try to listen more to your body for thirst cues. Will a cute water bottle help you with this self-care practice?

Thistle Farm’s Lavender Spa Set: Many of you mentioned using lavender lotion or lavender essential oils in your nighttime routine to help you get more sleep. Our family loves Thistle Farm’s passion and products. If you don’t know this Nashville non-profit, please check out their site. Thistle Farms “provides housing, case management, healthcare, counseling, education, and employment for two years for free. Love heals. Five years after graduation, 75% of their graduates are living healthy, financially independent lives.”

More Physical Self-Care Gifts:

Spiritual Self-Care Gift Guide:

The goal of Spiritual Self-Care Skills is to connect to something bigger than yourself. 
The specific practices are: I volunteer. I practice gratitude. I am a part of a spiritual community. I spend time in nature. I listen to music.

Spiritual Self-Care Gift Guide

Chacos: One of my favorite spiritual practices is being outdoors. I lived in Chacos in my twenties and got my second pair a few years ago because they last forever. Would a durable pair of outdoor shoes help you get outside more?

Wireless Headphones: Listen up, I feel like I was late to the wireless headphone game. I got this pair for Christmas last year (because I assumed I would lose one immediately and did not want to lose an Apple Earbud). I have used these every single day for almost a year (and not lost them… but I have been in my house for a majority of the year). I listen to podcasts, audiobooks (for free from the library), and Spotify. Also, it is great for handsfree driving.

Emily McDowell Card Set: Want to step up your gratitude practice? Send a card to a life-giving friend and tell them three specific ways you are thankful for them. Ps. Don’t forget to buy stamps and support the USPS.

Waterproof Bluetooth Portable Speaker: Want to listen to music in nature? This gift gets self-care bonus points because you can use it for hosting friends, being in nature, and listening to good music. Again, any portable speaker is great, but I added this one due to it being waterproof.

Wise Owl Hammock: This was one of my birthday gifts in May of 2020. I wanted to be outside more, but from the comfort of my backyard. The Wise Owl Outfitters company is family owned and operated and based in Franklin, TN.

More Spiritual Self-Care Gift Ideas from the Christian Perspective:

Psychological Self-Care Gift Guide:

The goals of Psychological Self-Care Skills is to build a healthy mindset and to know how to tune into the helpful thoughts. 
The specific practices are: I trust myself to make the next right choice. I have realistic positive self-talk. I can ignore negative self-talk or can quiet my inner critic. I practice forgiveness and self-forgiveness. I have a mindfulness practice.

Psychological Self-Care Holiday Gift Guide | Nashville Counseling

Emily McDowell Everyday Bravery Enamel Pins: Who doesn’t need some Everyday Bravery? These would be great stocking stuffers. Some of my other favorites are: Ignored the Haters Everyday Bravery Enamel Pin, Found My Voice Everyday Bravery Enamel Pin, and Loved Myself Everyday Bravery Enamel Pin.

Inspiring Art Prints: Many of you have said that having an inspiring art print up in your room or office helps with positive self-talk and quieting your inner critic. If Lindsay Letter’s “Read Fiction Be Real” isn’t what you are looking for then check out Lisa Congdon’s “Your Actions Matter” and Ohhappydani’s “Worthy Print.” If you have a favorite inspiring art print, please share it in the comments below.

Bullet Journal: Of course a therapist would include a journal in her self-care gift guide. Whether you want a bullet journal or use a regular journal (Rifle Paper’s Wildwood Fabric Journal or Lisa Congdon’s Your Story Matters Journal) you will benefit from having a place to write down your thoughts and process your emotions, which will help you decide on your next right choice. Ps. Add some favorite pens to your wishlist.

The Gifts of Imperfection: This book is a great place to start if you are going to read one self-help book this year. If this is your first time to read The Gifts of Imperfection then please take the Wholehearted Living Inventory to give you insight on your current strengths and growth areas. It is a great free assessment. Brené Brown is one of my favorite authors due to the way she shares her research with compelling stories. This is the 10th anniversary edition of Gifts of Imperfection and has updated and added practices and a new forward.

Headspace Meditation App: Beginning a mindfulness practice can feel a little daunting, but I recommend using guided meditations to begin. First choose your intention: sleep better, focus more, or stress less and then try a few short (three minutes to ten minutes) beginner meditations to begin your practice. If you are looking for a different free meditation app, I like the Insight Timer App.

Emotional Self-Care Gifts:

The goal of Emotional Self-Care Skills is to have practices in place to handle big emotions when life is difficult. 
The specific practices are: I laugh often. I offer self-compassion in difficult moments. I journal or share emotions with a safe person. I notice and hold space for BIG emotions. I use coping skills and strategies when needed.

Emotional Self-Care Holiday Gift Guide | Jessica McCoy Counseling

Olive and June Manicure System: A manicure kit feels like a very traditional self-care gift, but one way to level up your self-care is using your nail polish to help notice and hold space for BIG emotions. When you notice you are feeling BIG feelings (fear, sadness, shame, guilt, loneliness, anger, or hurt) you can mindfully paint your nails while you sit with your feelings. This is a short practice of sitting with your feelings while you paint your nails. Once your nails are dry, you can journal or share your emotions with a safe person.

Feelings Chart: Even adults need a feelings chart. If you notice a feeling that needs support by using coping skills, then this is a great initial start. This is a great tool to have on your fridge and make it a whole family affair if you want to check in with your roommates or family during dinner.

Preemptive Love Candles: These candles are a great option because they are made by women affected by the Iraq war, but any candle will work for this self-care practice. Using candles to tune into your senses is one way to feel more grounded and connected to your body. Tuning into what you are feeling, smelling, seeing, hearing and tasting is a mindfulness practice.

My Therapy Cards by Dr. Ebony: I bought these self-exploration cards this summer and have loved them. Dr. Ebony created a set of cards to help you process your mindset, trigger responses, and habits. I have used them personally and with clients. These cards can help you create new coping skills and habits when you feel triggered. Ps. She is a great follow on Instagram.

Mantrabands: Want your favorite coping skill as a reminder as a bracelet? There are lots of empowering bracelets that can help you set your intention for the day. Here are some more incredible bracelets: Laurel Denise’s leather “Be You Bravely” bracelet, Lillian and Co.’s “There’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow” bracelet (for my Disney Parks Fans), and River Valley Jewelry’s "She believed she could, so she did" bracelet.

Environmental Self-Care Gifts:

The goals of Environmental Self-Care Skills are to create calmer and healthier spaces for you and to help build a better environment for everyone else. 
The practices in this skill are: I live in a calm home. I remove toxic people from my life. I intentionally disconnect from technology. I work to make a safer world for ALL people. I have a morning and night time routine.

Environmental Self-Care Holiday Gift Guide 2020 | Jessica McCoy Counseling

“Anatomy of an Ally” Art Print: Danielle Coke, or OhHappyDani, reminds us of one way we can use our self-care to make a safer world for ALL people. One central tenet of self-care is caring more for ourselves will lead us to care more for humankind. This art print is one way to keep that guiding principle before us. Ps. Follow @ohhappydani on Instagram for more of her inspiring art.

Planters: Many of you mentioned that plants in cute planters is a calming feature in your home. Again, there is nothing magical about these planters, but intentionally adding a cute planter and greenery in home is a way to care for yourself. Note: if trying to keep a plant alive stresses you out try a Pothos, Sansevieria, or ZZ plant... these are great starter plants (also, here is a starter plant collection). But if that feels like a burden, then faux plants are great too.

Cozy Blanket: If you are looking to have a cozier and calmer home, a cozy blanket is always a win. Also, reading under a super soft blanket before bed is an excellent evening routine. This is one of my favorite blankets and it is now a central piece of my work from home office (…our guest bedroom).

Morgan Harper Nichols 2022 Planner: One way to have a calm home is by keeping a calendar up to date with events. If you want to level up your self-care, then scheduling in Margin or White Space on your calendar to keep you rested. This calendar is extra fun due to Morgan Harper Nichol’s beautiful and inspiring artwork, which is perforated and comes out easy and can be framed or gifted to friends.

Disney Circle: Does your family need help intentionally disconnecting from technology? Disney created a parental control device to manage screen time, device usage, and “pausing” the internet. One of the best ways to make more time for self-care is disconnecting from technology. Fifteen fewer minutes online could be fifteen more minutes of creativity or working on your hobbies.

More Environmental Self-Care Gifts:

Personal Self-Care Gifts:

The goal of Personal Self-Care Skills is to move towards taking care of yourself as an individual. 
The specific practices are: I understand my financial situation & use a budget. I have short-term and long-term goals. I have a hobby or passion project. I have created a vision board. I have a creative outlet.

Personal Self-Care Gifts | 2020 Holiday Gift Guide


Kindle: So many of you shared that your Kindle was one of your most used self-care tools. Kindles or E-readers can be great for saving money and space if you are a reader. Pro-Tip: see if your public library has an app for ebooks (and audiobooks).

Subscription to Magazine that Aligns with a Hobby: This was another great idea shared with me for developing a hobby or creative endeavor. There are magazines for so many types of hobbies and crafts. Click here for some more options.

You Need A Budget App Subscription: One major Self-Care Skill is understanding your financial situation and using a budget. The YNAB app is just one way to track spending and make financial goals. They have a free 34-day trial to see if it is a good fit for you. Also, they have a helpful podcast to help you understand your financial situation better.

Candle Making Kit: Making your own candles is one example of developing a hobby or creative pursuit Paddywax, a Nashville candle company, offers a candle making kit. This may not be the hobby for you, but give some time thinking about a hobby you want to try. Please add your favorite hobby or creative endeavor in the comments below to inspire others.

Baking Cookbook: Does this feel very 2020? My husband has this cookbook and I am grateful for it! Baking is another example of a hobby. Another way to make cooking a fun hobby is cooking through a cookbook. Not only does it remove some decision making around what is for dinner, but it can be a fun “challenge” for this winter.

More Hobby or Creative Outlet Gift Ideas:

Professional Self-Care Gifts:

The goals of Professional Self-Care Skills are to create a healthier work/life balance and to help you thrive in your career. 
The specific practices in this skill are: I know the “why” behind the work I do. I take sick/vacation days. I set and keep boundaries.I have professional goals.I advocate for myself.

Professional Self-Care Gifts | Holiday self-care gift guide 2020 |

Dare to Lead: I love this book by Brené Brown. Due to the shifts a lot of businesses and schools navigated this year, this book is an incredible read to help you strengthen your leadership skills and influence your professional goals. If you are struggling with advocating for yourself, this book gives tangible practices to help your “rumble” with hard conversations. Also, she has a new podcast called Dare to Lead on Spotify to help us better understand and apply key leadership concepts.

Full Focus Planner: Who loves a good planner? The Full Focus Planner is a popular one for professionals due to its goal driven design. If you are working on putting your short-term and long-term professional goals into action, this may be a good place to start. Planners can help you keep boundaries around your time, which is another self-care practice. Also, it has pages dedicated to morning and evening routines, plus a section for your self-care. Note: this planner is meant to be used for 90-days unlike many year-round planners.

Airbnb Gift Cards: There are two ways to use this gift for professional self-care. 1) Take a vacation. 2) Go on a self-led work retreat. If you are a working from home parent, you have full permission to take a work retreat and catch up on all the things that you have not been able to finish with little ones always around. Ps. I will share more later, but a few weeks ago I went on a self-led professional retreat with another therapist friend and we stayed at an AirBnb not far from my house. 10/10 would recommend it if you need to catch up on work (or get ahead on work).

Duffle Bag: One major self-care practice is taking sick days and vacation days. I know many of us have canceled trips due to the pandemic, but if you have vacation days please think about using them (especially if you will “lose them” at the end of the year). One way to prevent professional burnout is taking time off work. Also, you may already have great luggage or a weekender bag, but I wanted to share at least one great product from Nashville’s own Able, a local, ethical fashion company.

Busy Toddler’s Pre-School Curriculum: This one is for the stay at home parents, which is a profession as well. You may not want this specific curriculum under the Christmas tree (even though it is a GREAT one), but I wanted to make sure the stay at home parents were included in this list. Another great option if you are a stay at home parent, is a book on parenting. Again, these ideas are not meant to feel like a burden, so only purchase them if they will serve you.

Happy Holidays! I hope your 2022 is full of Courageous Action.

I know that this has been a difficult year. I am hopeful that this list has inspired you to add some self-care items to your wishlist, but I really hope it helps you see self-care in a new way. Maybe you own many of these items, but never saw them as a tool for self-care. None of these items are magical, but if you name your intention for self-care and use them in meaningful ways, I promise it will help. If you want to make a self-care plan for 2022, please download my free Self-Care Annual Planner.

Comment below with your favorite self-care items or what from this list you are asking for this year.

Five Ways to Connect with Your Child During Advent

five ways to connect with your child during advent

Every year Christians of various traditions celebrate a season called Advent. Advent occurs during the weeks leading up to Christmas day and comes from a word that means "arrival." This season is a time when Christians look back and remember the arrival of Jesus on the earth in the form of a baby. They also look forward in hope trusting that Jesus will one day arrive again. In the meantime, we wait for this arrival. 

If you are like me, then you are not good at waiting. When I have to wait, I get restless and distracted. I can even get impatient. But I am learning that waiting can also be good for me. When I have to wait, I am forced to remember and reflect on what is most important. Waiting creates space for me to connect to God and to those around me. 

For that reason, I want to encourage you in this season of waiting to intentionally connect with those around you. Specifically, allow Advent to be a time when you are fully present with your children. Create space and time to strengthen the bonds with your family. Making time to connect with your family is often hard during the busy holiday season, but maybe being present with your family is the best present you can give. Here are 5 ideas of how you can connect with you children during Advent. 

1. Share with your children the stories of their births/adoptions. 

Birth stories are powerful stories because they begin to answer the question of “Who am I?” These stories help form their identities. They begin to create the narratives your children will continue to write for the rest of their life. They need to hear you tell their story. 

One of the beautiful parts of the birth story of Jesus is that it wasn’t a perfect story. His story had highs, lows, hopes, and fears. Can you imagine Mary sitting him down and telling him about the time they had to run from authorities just to keep him alive? Can you imagine how that one story might have given him strength when the authorities were after him later in life? 

One of the beautiful parts of the birth story of your child is that it wasn't perfect either. His or her story also had highs, lows, hopes, and fears. You may be tempted to skip over the hard parts because that feels kinder when telling your child his or her story. But there is power in not glossing over those difficult moments. Recounting the lows gives your child a chance to connect to you by helping them acknowledge that life can be hard. You are acknowledging that we can do the hard parts together. Can you imagine the power of telling your child how scared you were when the doctors took him to the NICU, but then how proud you were of him for being so strong when you were able to take him home? Can you imagine how that one story might give them a new confidence to be resilient later in life? 

Help your child to see that life contains hard moments, but that you still love them no matter what. Let them know that you were nervous because you had never had a baby before, but then you and Dad got the hang of it. Or share that you were so excited to adopt her, but you were afraid that the 8-hour plane flight home would be scary for her. These stories will connect you to your child in powerful ways.

Healthy connection is loving someone through the highs and the lows. Give your child the gift of knowing that you waited for them. Give them the gift of letting them know you still love them no matter what. They will not forget these stories. 

Connection Tip: Look for times when you were able to meet your child’s needs and share those moments with your child. “You had a tough time falling asleep, but then I figured out that you liked to sleep swaddled in a blanket. You slept so much better after that.” You are sharing that you are able to tune into what your child needs and then provide exactly what is needed.  

Connection Tip: When you bring up the harder moments of your child's birth story or adoption, do not label your child's behavior as negative. "You were such a crier" does not foster strong connection and negatively shapes your child's view of self. Instead, reflect on what was hard, but share it with empathy and compassion. "The first couple of days were tough because you kept crying, but then the doctor explained that you had reflux. Then we changed what you ate and in a couple days you felt better." 

2. Use the Advent calendar for connection activities

There are lots of ways to celebrate the weeks leading up to December 25th. One great way is to look for opportunities to regularly connect with your kids. 

This list of activities gives a few ideas about how you might create playful times of connection for your family. Click here for your free Advent printable

Connection Tip: Don't think you have to do every idea. Look over this list and use the activities that you know would be a good fit for your family. If you cannot do something every day, then at least try to find a way to make your connection times regular.  

3. Share an Advent reading series with your children

Reading with children is an incredible way to connect with them. If you don't have a children's Bible then I highly recommend the Jesus Storybook Bible. Make daily reading time with your child a routine and ritual to create a rhythm of connection for your family. 

Connection Tip: A consistent nightly routine provides children with a felt sense of safety. There will be times that require flexibility, but when children experience a predictable routine they know the "cues" that it is time to go to sleep

4. Practice noticing curiosity with your children

Help them to ask questions and strengthen their own curiosity. There are a lot of questions you can ask; but also notice when they ask a question and engage the question. For example, you might read the story of Jesus' birth and ask them what they think it was like for Mary and Joseph to wait for Jesus. Ask them: what is it like to wait for something that is exciting?

Or when they ask you about the barn where Jesus was born, then engage them. Follow up with questions about what it might have smelled like, sounded like, or even felt like? This activity allows your children to begin to ask their own questions about faith and to do so alongside their parents in a connected way.

Connection Tip: As a parent, use your own curiosity to better understand your child's behavior. Ask curious questions about your child's behavior instead of assuming motives. Instead of "you are just trying to get into trouble" try asking, "I am curious to know why you made that choice." Being curious allows you to connect first and get a glimpse of your child's world. 

5. Write your family’s story

There are multiple accounts of the birth of Jesus and his family’s story. One of my favorite children's books on the genealogy (or family tree) of Jesus is by Andrew Peterson. After reading those, then take time as a family to write down your own.  Connect through sharing stories about grandparents, aunts, and uncles to create your own family’s story. Family narratives help shape a child's identity, like birth stories, by giving a child a glimpse of his or her heritage. You might even think about creating a video to share them with extended family members. 

Connection Tip: Modeling healthy connections with extended family members helps children to see that there are other safe adults to connect with outside of their parents. They begin to see they have a strong support system. 

Connecting Through Advent

May this season of Advent be a blessing to your family. Being fully present with your family during the holiday season is a gift that no one else can give your family. If you are still feeling stuck or disconnected with your children, then feel free to send me an email at Jessica@JessicaMcCoyCounseling.com and we can schedule your free 15-phone consultation. 

Advent Family Connections

Self-Care Saturday: A Self-Care Holiday Wish List

Self-Care Christmas List

'Tis the season to be really busy. Holiday parties, Christmas shopping, and traveling often fill up the month of December. Personally, the month of December is one of the most stressful seasons every year. But the stress does not have to get the best of you, especially if you take some time to take care of you. Here are ten self-care presents you can give to yourself this year:

  1. Massage - Need I say more?

  2. Fitbit - I added this to my self-care practice this year. It is an external motivator to stay active.

  3. Adult Coloring Book - Yes, this is a thing now. And yes, they are amazing. Coloring is a great mindfulness practice.

  4. Yoga Mat - Yoga can be a restorative process to help you reconnect to your body.

  5. Meal Planning/Delivery - If finding time to cook nutritious foods is one of your self-care red flags then you may want to check out Blue Apron or Plan to Eat. (Ps. None of these are advertisements. They are just ideas).

  6. Writing Journal - Maybe you want to track your highs and lows for the year. Maybe use it as a gratitude journal. Maybe you need a safe place to process your thoughts.

  7. Art Journal - Maybe writing is not your thing and you prefer to sketch instead. If so, then you might check out Brené Brown's go at your own pace art journaling course.

  8. Bath Salts - A good soak in the tub is a great ritual to end your day.

  9. Candles - Maybe this is the year to burn that luxury candle?

  10. Flowers - I am a huge fan of practicing deep breathing in the presence of fresh flowers. Can you believe people will just deliver them to your house?

Did anything on the list peak your interest? Consider adding it to your wish list. Even better, think of someone in your life who might need some self-care and get that gift for them. 

One final idea. Maybe this year's holiday season is not about what you can buy. Maybe just being fully present in the company of loved ones is the best you can give and receive this season. 

If you are looking to give yourself the gift of going to counseling in Nashville, then send me an email at Jessica@JessicaMcCoyCounseling.com. Looking forward to hearing what made it onto your Christmas wish list. 

A Fully Present Christmas