Values Light Your Way

This year I am working through Brené Brown's Living Brave semester. One of her recommended practices is reviewing your value system. She states, “A value is a way of being or believing that you hold most important.” Brené explains that values light your way as you move through life.

She uses the image of a lantern to describe what values can be like in your life. She explains, “There are no guarantees in the arena. We will struggle. We will even fail. There will be darkness. But if we are clear about the values that guide us in our efforts to show up and be seen, we will always be able to find the light. We will know what it means to live brave.” Which values light up your life in the darkness? 

Maybe you have never wrestled with what values you want to shape your life. Or maybe you are in a new season and your life values are changing. Either way now is the time to re-evaluate what you hold most important. 

Here is a short list of values that might be good guideposts for you. Pick those that can serve as filters for your decisions this year (e.g. Does having that hard conversation with my best friend lead me to be more courageous?). Select those that give insight into the core of who you are and who you want to be. Ultimately, choose a few that will help you bring light into a dark world.

When I started my private practice I created a list of "lanterns" that I wanted to illuminate my counseling. After I picked them I wrote a sentence decribing the way I wanted that value to impact my work with women, children, and families. Here they are...

Practicing Bravery: Stepping up in moments when you feel overwhelmed or afraid, but instead you choose to respond with brave action. 

Embracing Humor: Allowing the humorous moments in life to give you joy and shift your mood towards positivity and gratitude. 

Living Authentically: Choosing intentionally to be yourself instead of falling into roles that do not align with your values and passions. 

Nurturing Self-Compassion: Creating a true friendship within by giving yourself permission to treat yourself the way you care for others. 

Cultivating True Connections: Surrounding yourself with life-giving people and practicing ways that create healthier connections with those life-taking relationships. 

Writing Your Story: Owning the hard chapters of life and moving towards writing new ones. 

If you are wrestling with your core values and need some help, then feel free to contact me. Or if you are looking for a therapist who works out of the above six values, then I am happy to do a free 15-minute consultation over the phone. 

Self-Care Saturday: A Self-Care Holiday Wish List

'Tis the season to be really busy. Holiday parties, Christmas shopping, and traveling often fill up the month of December. Personally, the month of December is one of the most stressful seasons every year. But the stress does not have to get the best of you, especially if you take some time to take care of you. Here are ten self-care presents you can give to yourself this year:

Check out the 2020 Self-Care Holiday Gift Guide with over 75 gift ideas for your long-term Self-care practice.

1. Massage - Need I say more?

2. Fitbit - I added this to my self-care practice this year. It is an external motivator to stay active.

3. Adult Coloring Book - Yes, this is a thing now. And yes, they are amazing. Coloring is a great mindfulness practice.

4. Yoga Mat - Yoga can be a restorative process to help you reconnect to your body.

5. Meal Planning/Delivery - If finding time to cook nutritious foods is one of your self-care red flags then you may want to check out Blue Apron or Plan to Eat. (Ps. None of these are advertisements. They are just ideas).

6. Writing Journal - Maybe you want to track your highs and lows for the year. Maybe use it as a gratitude journal. Maybe you need a safe place to process your thoughts.

7. Art Journal - Maybe writing is not your thing and you prefer to sketch instead. If so, then you might check out Brené Brown's go at your own pace art journaling course.

8. Bath Salts - A good soak in the tub is a great ritual to end your day.

9. Candles - Maybe this is the year to burn that luxury candle?

10. Flowers - I am a huge fan of practicing deep breathing in the presence of fresh flowers. Can you believe people will just deliver them to your house?

Did anything on the list peak your interest? Consider adding it to your wish list. Even better, think of someone in your life who might need some self-care and get that gift for them. 

One final idea. Maybe this year's holiday season is not about what you can buy. Maybe just being fully present in the company of loved ones is the best you can give and receive this season. 

If you are looking to give yourself the gift of going to counseling in Nashville, then send me an email at Jessica@JessicaMcCoyCounseling.com. Looking forward to hearing what made it onto your Christmas wish list. 

Three Ways to Navigate Life's Transitions

Transitions happen. Life changes. Some changes are planned and some are surprises. Some are joyful and some are stressful. Graduating, starting a new job, and moving are just a few of life's major transitions. 

Every transition is full of emotions. Take moving houses. Your emotional response may span from excitement (you found the perfect new house) to grief (your child took her first step in your old house).  It is hard to make all decisions needed when moving while you are swaying between excitement and grief. 

I have been there. In the last 11 years, I moved in and out of Lipscomb's dorm rooms, apartments, and houses on an average of once a year. Each move was full of joy, sadness, and worry. No matter how many times I moved I was still stressed about finding a new home, packing, and unpacking.  (Life Hack: sometimes it is okay to move your clothes in trash bags.) Transitions need a lot of flexibility to navigate through the changes. 

Currently, I am navigating my own transition in moving my office to another space. Moving my practice is a professional change, but affected my personal life. Finding a new space, packing, and unpacking requires a lot of emotional energy, flexibility, and hard decisions. What a relief it was to find a great space close to my office in Nashville. 

HERE ARE SOME CONCEPTS TO REMEMBER WHEN MAKING A LIFE TRANSITION.

• Be aware of your emotions. 

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How do you feel about this transition? Are you feeling excited, afraid, sad, grief, disappointment, anger, or joyful? After naming the emotion, be curious about how that emotion is impacting your thoughts or your behavior. For example, “Is my disappointment about not getting my dream job affecting my behavior in my marriage?” 

• Be flexible. 

Determine what matters the most to you and make those nonnegotiable.Next, question how would you feel being flexible with your other ideas. For example, “I need to have adequate parking for my new office space, but how would I feel in an office with no window?"  Try it out and see what feels right to you. 

• Be compassionate with yourself. 

Transitions are hard enough without being hard on yourself. In the moments when you are feeling overwhelmed take four deep breaths and practice self-compassion. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion break is a helpful tool. Here is an example to say to yourself, “This is stress. Other people feel this way during a transition. May I be kind to myself.”

Those are just a few ways to navigate life's transition. Check out more information about my new Nashville counseling office, here.   If you are in the middle of a transition and need help processing the change, call to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.