Self-Care: What makes you come alive?

Self-care homework for today, you ready? Write (draw, doodle, email yourself) the last 5 times you felt alive. Take a few minutes to reflect on your life and focus in on the times when you felt more like "you." Being alive is that moment when you feel deep inside, "Yes, this is what I was created to do!" Once you write them down zoom out and see if there are any themes or connection points. 

For example, some possible connection points or themes might be... 

• A certain person that helps you remember who you are
• Being in nature
• Doing a certain task in your job
• Trying something new
• Traveling 

There are all kinds of themes that might emerge. And if you do not find any, no worries. It is still a good practice to notice what makes you feel connected and alive. Because it's a good practice to try to return to those regularly through the week. 

If you are struggling to remember a time when you felt fully alive and more connected to your true self, then that's okay. If you are in Nashville and want to talk about this, then schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation. 

Self-Care Saturday: The Power of "Good for You."

At the end of 2014 I had a variety of encounters where I walked away feeling shame. 

Shame is the emotion connected to the thought “I am not enough.” 

The gist of these encounters: 

Friend: “Here is this great* thing I am doing.” 

Me: Spiraling inside because I am not doing that great* thing. (Insert shame here). 

After a handful of these encounters, I took a long look at why I was reacting this way. I realized the feeling happened when conversations steered towards areas of my life where I already felt “not enough.” Their sharing only triggered my shame. 

I believe that most of these people were not intentionally trying to make me feel inadequate, though I am sure some were. Regardless, what I realized is this: I am not in control of their intentions, but I am in control of my reactions. 

And this was the moment I realized the power of “good for you.” 

“Good for you” is my new response to these encounters. The phrase reminds me that when people share a great* new thing for their life, it may not be a great* new thing for my life. “Good for you” is a step in helping me to resist the shame in my own life while at the same time changing my attitude towards the other person.

The gist of these new encounters:

Friend: “We switched out all refined sugar, gluten, and dairy. I feel amazing.” 

You: “Good for you.” (Instead of questioning your last caloric intake, you cheerlead a friend who feels amazing). 

Friend: “We are using cloth diapers because it is so good for the environment and our budget.”

You: “Good for you.” (Instead of a shame spiral about your bank account dwindling due to Huggies or because the idea of cloth diapers makes you gag). 

Mother-in-law: “You know, our daughter potty-trained both Sally and John in a weekend.” 

You: “Good for her.” (Sure your blood pressure may rise, but it was great for your sister-in-law to potty train in a weekend. But potty training is hard and maybe this will help shake off the resentment towards your in-laws). 

Saying “good for you” helps me pivot away from a shame spiral. Instead, the response helps me to draw a boundary. I can protect myself from spinning questions in my head wondering if their great* thing should be great for me. I can better support my friends and the new things they are trying.  

Saying “good for you” is both good for them and good for me. 

*Great for her does not mean it has to be great for you. 

Jessica McCoy Counseling: On the Move

As of September 1st, Jessica McCoy Counseling will be located on 4004 Hillsboro Pike. Suite 222B. Jessica's office is on the second floor of building B in Green Hills Court. 

This new space is in the Green Hills area of Nashville. Some of Jessica’s new neighbors include Flower Mart, Orchid Thai and Sushi, Parent-Teacher Store, Gymboree, and Brushfire Pottery Studio. It is located near Trader Joe's, the Hill Center, and the Green Hills Mall. 

If you are looking for therapy services in Nashville, TN, please contact Jessica for a free 15-minute phone consultation.