Self-Care Red Flags

Self-care is a process. Finding what works and helps you truly care for yourself is often an experiment. For some people, running is a form of self-care, while others may consider that activity as a nightmare (insert my raised hand here). Others may find a warm cup of coffee on a cold morning to be the best way to show care (I will never raise my hand here... yes, I am not a coffee drinker).

The same concept applies for noticing when your life is out of balance. Maybe it is time to pay attention to when you begin to come unraveled. Maybe it is time to uncover your red flags.

Here is how you can know you are in need of some self-care.

Answer this question:

I know my life is out of balance when ____________________.

I did an informal survey of friends and family and here are their responses:

• The small stuff makes me angry.
• My clean clothes don’t make it into the closet.
• I watch too much Netflix.
• I am unable to disengage from work when I am home.
• Missing appointments because I am overscheduled.
• Eating when I am not hungry. 
• Not making health a priority – my eating habits and exercise routines fall away.
• Checking Facebook and Instagram compulsively.
• Forgetting to eat. 
• I get sick more because I am so stressed.

Do you identify with any of those? If not, then what about you? What are your red flags? What are those things that happen in your when you know that you need to stop, slow down, and have that cup of coffee?

Make the list and keep it handy. Start paying attention, but be patient.  Because self-care is a process.

If you are in Nashville and are ready to check in with a professional to create a plan for a more balanced life with fewer red flags, contact Jessica at Jessica@JessicaMcCoyCounseling.com to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation. If you are looking for more self-care ideas, then be sure to check out previous recommendations or check back next week for other ways to invest in a better you.

Self-Care Saturday: The Power of "Good for You."

At the end of 2014 I had a variety of encounters where I walked away feeling shame. 

Shame is the emotion connected to the thought “I am not enough.” 

The gist of these encounters: 

Friend: “Here is this great* thing I am doing.” 

Me: Spiraling inside because I am not doing that great* thing. (Insert shame here). 

After a handful of these encounters, I took a long look at why I was reacting this way. I realized the feeling happened when conversations steered towards areas of my life where I already felt “not enough.” Their sharing only triggered my shame. 

I believe that most of these people were not intentionally trying to make me feel inadequate, though I am sure some were. Regardless, what I realized is this: I am not in control of their intentions, but I am in control of my reactions. 

And this was the moment I realized the power of “good for you.” 

“Good for you” is my new response to these encounters. The phrase reminds me that when people share a great* new thing for their life, it may not be a great* new thing for my life. “Good for you” is a step in helping me to resist the shame in my own life while at the same time changing my attitude towards the other person.

The gist of these new encounters:

Friend: “We switched out all refined sugar, gluten, and dairy. I feel amazing.” 

You: “Good for you.” (Instead of questioning your last caloric intake, you cheerlead a friend who feels amazing). 

Friend: “We are using cloth diapers because it is so good for the environment and our budget.”

You: “Good for you.” (Instead of a shame spiral about your bank account dwindling due to Huggies or because the idea of cloth diapers makes you gag). 

Mother-in-law: “You know, our daughter potty-trained both Sally and John in a weekend.” 

You: “Good for her.” (Sure your blood pressure may rise, but it was great for your sister-in-law to potty train in a weekend. But potty training is hard and maybe this will help shake off the resentment towards your in-laws). 

Saying “good for you” helps me pivot away from a shame spiral. Instead, the response helps me to draw a boundary. I can protect myself from spinning questions in my head wondering if their great* thing should be great for me. I can better support my friends and the new things they are trying.  

Saying “good for you” is both good for them and good for me. 

*Great for her does not mean it has to be great for you. 

These are a few of my favorite things. August Edition

One of my passions is self-care. Deeping my practice, I am focusing on my holistic self-care, which means caring for myself in physical, spiritual, emotional, and relational ways. Here are reflections on my top five favorite practices and items that are bringing me joy and gratitude this month. 

BirdTalker – If you live in Nashville then you have a friend or two in a band. Here are some of my friends playing a song that has been on repeat at my house. 

Plan to Eat – Meal planning is one of my personal goals for this year. In trying to save money and time at the grocery store, I purchased a subscription to PlanToEat.com.  Let's be real. This saves me from either going to the grocery store multiple times a week or driving through Chick-fil-a more than any person should. They offer a one-month free trial, but you have to add your recipes into your account. In the long run, I am hopeful that this will save me time, money, AND calories. (This is not an advertisement, but something I have found personally useful.) 

No-Bake Energy Bites  – These are game changers. Game changers.  They are great for breakfast, snacks, and dessert. Since I started meal planning, I added these to my rotation. Make them once and eat them throughout the week. They are great to have on hand for the mornings when you are running late. Compared to cereal, they are also much easier and safer to eat during your morning commute. Check out the recipe at Redefined Mom. 

Rising Strong – Brené Brown is one of my favorite authors and speakers. Her work influences my clinical work and my personal life. Last weekend, I was able to attend her book launch, hear her speak, and meet her while she was on tour in Nashville. It was an incredible experience and I have already begun reading her latest book, Rising Strong. Brown shares, "when we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending." 

Fitbit Flex – Last year, I was given a Fitbit and I wore it for a full day. This year, I reviewed my practice of self-care and one of my goals was to increase physical activity. Using my Fitbit as a tool to challenge me as well as track my level of activity has become a part of my daily self-care routine.  Fitbit tip: For the first week, begin every day asking "how can I do more steps than yesterday?" Then try to find life-giving ways to reach 10,000 steps a day. 

What are some of your favorite things in your life? What practices or items are bringing you joy? Do you have any highlights from August?