Self-Care Red Flags

Self-care is a process. Finding what works and helps you truly care for yourself is often an experiment. For some people, running is a form of self-care, while others may consider that activity as a nightmare (insert my raised hand here). Others may find a warm cup of coffee on a cold morning to be the best way to show care (I will never raise my hand here... yes, I am not a coffee drinker).

The same concept applies for noticing when your life is out of balance. Maybe it is time to pay attention to when you begin to come unraveled. Maybe it is time to uncover your red flags.

Here is how you can know you are in need of some self-care.

Answer this question:

I know my life is out of balance when ____________________.

I did an informal survey of friends and family and here are their responses:

• The small stuff makes me angry.
• My clean clothes don’t make it into the closet.
• I watch too much Netflix.
• I am unable to disengage from work when I am home.
• Missing appointments because I am overscheduled.
• Eating when I am not hungry. 
• Not making health a priority – my eating habits and exercise routines fall away.
• Checking Facebook and Instagram compulsively.
• Forgetting to eat. 
• I get sick more because I am so stressed.

Do you identify with any of those? If not, then what about you? What are your red flags? What are those things that happen in your when you know that you need to stop, slow down, and have that cup of coffee?

Make the list and keep it handy. Start paying attention, but be patient.  Because self-care is a process.

If you are in Nashville and are ready to check in with a professional to create a plan for a more balanced life with fewer red flags, contact Jessica at Jessica@JessicaMcCoyCounseling.com to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation. If you are looking for more self-care ideas, then be sure to check out previous recommendations or check back next week for other ways to invest in a better you.

Self-Care: What makes you come alive?

Self-care homework for today, you ready? Write (draw, doodle, email yourself) the last 5 times you felt alive. Take a few minutes to reflect on your life and focus in on the times when you felt more like "you." Being alive is that moment when you feel deep inside, "Yes, this is what I was created to do!" Once you write them down zoom out and see if there are any themes or connection points. 

For example, some possible connection points or themes might be... 

• A certain person that helps you remember who you are
• Being in nature
• Doing a certain task in your job
• Trying something new
• Traveling 

There are all kinds of themes that might emerge. And if you do not find any, no worries. It is still a good practice to notice what makes you feel connected and alive. Because it's a good practice to try to return to those regularly through the week. 

If you are struggling to remember a time when you felt fully alive and more connected to your true self, then that's okay. If you are in Nashville and want to talk about this, then schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation. 

Self-Care Saturday: The Power of "Good for You."

At the end of 2014 I had a variety of encounters where I walked away feeling shame. 

Shame is the emotion connected to the thought “I am not enough.” 

The gist of these encounters: 

Friend: “Here is this great* thing I am doing.” 

Me: Spiraling inside because I am not doing that great* thing. (Insert shame here). 

After a handful of these encounters, I took a long look at why I was reacting this way. I realized the feeling happened when conversations steered towards areas of my life where I already felt “not enough.” Their sharing only triggered my shame. 

I believe that most of these people were not intentionally trying to make me feel inadequate, though I am sure some were. Regardless, what I realized is this: I am not in control of their intentions, but I am in control of my reactions. 

And this was the moment I realized the power of “good for you.” 

“Good for you” is my new response to these encounters. The phrase reminds me that when people share a great* new thing for their life, it may not be a great* new thing for my life. “Good for you” is a step in helping me to resist the shame in my own life while at the same time changing my attitude towards the other person.

The gist of these new encounters:

Friend: “We switched out all refined sugar, gluten, and dairy. I feel amazing.” 

You: “Good for you.” (Instead of questioning your last caloric intake, you cheerlead a friend who feels amazing). 

Friend: “We are using cloth diapers because it is so good for the environment and our budget.”

You: “Good for you.” (Instead of a shame spiral about your bank account dwindling due to Huggies or because the idea of cloth diapers makes you gag). 

Mother-in-law: “You know, our daughter potty-trained both Sally and John in a weekend.” 

You: “Good for her.” (Sure your blood pressure may rise, but it was great for your sister-in-law to potty train in a weekend. But potty training is hard and maybe this will help shake off the resentment towards your in-laws). 

Saying “good for you” helps me pivot away from a shame spiral. Instead, the response helps me to draw a boundary. I can protect myself from spinning questions in my head wondering if their great* thing should be great for me. I can better support my friends and the new things they are trying.  

Saying “good for you” is both good for them and good for me. 

*Great for her does not mean it has to be great for you.